The Ten Commandmests (Concert-Goer's Version)

I.   Thou shalt hearken unto the music with all thine heart, with all thine soul, and all thine mind. To aid thee in thy endeavour study thou thy program notes and hereby be sore fully prepared to garner the blessings of the inspired melodies which are about to be sounded.

II.   Thou shalt not arrive late, for the stir of thy coming disturbeth those who didst come in due season; neither shalt thou rush forth as a great wind at intermission time or before the end of the program; nor shalt thou trample to thy left nor thy right the ushers or the doormen or the multitudes that are about thee.

III.  Thou shalt keep in check thy coughings and thy sneezings for they are an abomination, and they shall bring forth evil execrations upon thee and thy household, even unto the third and fourth generations.

IV.   Thou shalt not rustle thy program for the noise thereof is not as the murmur of the leaves of the forest, but brash and raucous and soothest not.

V.    Thou shalt not "yahoo" unto thy relatives, nor to thy friends, nor to any member of they lodge or of thy household, nor to any of thy neighbors.

VI.   Thou shalt not whisper, for thy mouthings, howsoever hushed they may be, bring discord to the ears of those who sit about thee.

VII.  Thou shalt not chew gum with great show of sound or motion. Remember that thou art not as the kind of the meadow who doth chew the cud in the pastoral serenity which is vouchsafed them.

VIII.Thou shalt not direct thy index finger at persons of public note and say unto thy neighbor, "Yonder goeth so and so," but reflect that some day thou shalt perchance be a celebrity, and thou shalt be in great discomfort when thou art pointed at, and thou shalt not be pleased one jot or tittle thereby.

IX.   Thou shalt neither slumber nor sleep, for in thy stupor thou hast ears and heareth not; peradventure thou possesseth a rumbling bass obligato when thou sleepeth, and verily, the rabble may be aroused thereby to do thee grievous harm.

X.    Thou shalt not become a self-ordained music critic and with booming voice comment garrulously about the players or the playing; neither shalt thou hum, or tap thy foot; for thou hast come as a listener and a lover of music, not as a critic nor as a performer, and remember that none among the multitudes hast paid admission to hear thy hummings or thy tappings or to listen unto thine opinion.